Friday, August 21, 2009

The Adventures of Sparky

The Electrical Illiterate Cat Vs. The Stickfigure Bobs!

Chapter One
Sparky was a normal alley cat. He ran around, married our cat, Mouse, and smelled funny. Oh, us? We just came back from the insane asylum. Yeah. We did, so SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!! BWAH! Shall we tell you the story of that first? Okay.

It started on one of our normal insane days. We were outside screaming at rocks (me) and skipping around with a jar of dirt screaming “I’ve got a jar of dirt! I’ve got a jar of dirt!” (My sister.) Wait, I’m the person writing this! Well, I’M the person DICTATING this! QUIT IT WITH THE CAPS LOCK!!!! Oh wait… I just did it. >.< SHE SMELLS FUNNY! I DO NOT! YES, YOU DO! ENOUGH CAPS LOCKS! Okay…. Well, our neighbors, the Hamheads, Keera and Mickey, called the hospital. I screamed “I AM YOUR RULER! BOW DOWN TO ME!!! BWAHAHAHA!” (Me) and “GIVE ME BACK MY DIRT JAR!” (her).

Okay, Spark Plugs now. He was on our lighting rod. Stupid, I know, but he’s illiterate. He was tap-dancing in a thunderstorm. (Weird…) Then, lightning struck him, we was zapping and zapping and farting… He had beans. Did you know I can scare Lawrence the pyromaniac with my chili? Well, we saw this weird yellow mark on his black fur. I was making the first contact with aliens, and my sister was singing karaoke. Fredalakarumakauro (Fred) noticed and pointed it out to us. He looked like some kind of large, blue bird with eyes on one stalk. His race was called the Flitters. He smelled like dandelions and violets, and had sung for 13 minutes straight starting at 5:27:04.95375028453. I can tell, because I laundry-sniff. She can smell cheese from a mile away. Well, we talked to both of them. Sparky explained everything and Fred danced in our hot tub. Why, we don’t know, but he sure can bust a move! Sparky sneezed on him, and at gave Fred enough energy to finish his dance In .3058354834 seconds! WITH ENERGY LEFT TO SPARE!!! We said “Sparky you got POWERS!!! AWESOME!!!” We all danced the Macarena after that. Then, they came.

Chapter 2 The Bobs
It was them. They had come back. Probably because I kill them on Fridays. It was are the strongest and yet the the Stickfigure Bobs! The weakest of all. Fred screamed like a little girl and did a dramatic faint. Cappi, his gi-irlfriend screamed and ran to his side and, well, tripped over him. I screamed “GET THE FLAMETHROWER, MACHINE GUN, AND TANKS!!” My sister ran and came back with a flamethrower, machine gun, and twin tanks. I took the machine gun and a tank. She got the flamethrower and other tank. And then, suddenly, lighting flew out of where Sparky’s claws normally are and shocked the first Bob. Then he sat on another and farted. Lightning came out of, well, you know what, and killed the stickman. Fred woke up and jumped in his spaceship, which looked like a slug on a hanglider. He began firing his laser at the Bobs, killing some, not affecting others. I turned on my tank and began firing wildly. My sister sang and burned them up. “HEY! THE OTHER THEY ARE COMING!” Yelled Sparky. What? Oh, yeah. They. Two midgets. Joice and Gothiss. They squeaked something and began fighting. Then, Fred came back down and said “The…damage…too much…” Then, he farted a bit of diarrhea and almost died. His eyes dimmed and I made Cappi do CPR. I wasn’t going to do mouth-to-mouth! Eeew! As soon as Cappi put her beak up to Fred’s, he woke up and said “Heya, want to get into the ship? It’s a little more private.”
“Sure, heehee.”
“You’re scaring kitty!” Sparky wailed. Yeah, I was scared, too. But I had rigged a camera in the spaceship. Hehehe… I could watch them and laugh at them. So I grabbed some ice cream and turned on the TV to the camera. They were making out. Yuck! I got the other Flitters to watch and they cracked up, too. It was a half-purr, half-whistle laugh. Something like “Krrrtseekrrrsee!” I didn’t care, their laughing made me laugh. Now, me and my sister laughing at a couple of birdlike aliens make out while other aliens watched was a real sight to see. Then I got an idea.
“Hey, let’s inflate marshmallows in the microwave!”

Chapter Three: PARTY TIME!
Everyone cheered and we bet on ‘mallows that would inflate the fastest or the most. Then the winner ate the marshmallow he/she bet on. We got sugar rushes and tried to tip over the spaceship. Now THAT was fun! Then, a second wave of sticks approached!

“GET THE WEAPONS! RIFLES, TANKS, KAZOOS, ANYTHING!” I yelled. Sparky jumped up and farted right in the sticksfigure’s faces! They screamed and died, either because of the lightning or the smell. One Flitter began playing the kazoo like a pro. A few girl Flitters got hearts in their stalk eyes and began cheering on the kazoo player. One even planted a kiss on his cheek. I threw a soda randomly and it EXPLODED! Yay!!!

“SO-DA! SO-DA! SO-DA!” The crowd cheered. I chugged a whole can of soda, and somebody managed to drink a whole BARREL! Then we got into a random fight.

“RANDOM! RANDOM! RANDOM! RANDOM! RANDOM!” Everyone cheered. A few times, we stopped in unusual positions. Once, I was under him, the next he was on me, and the third time we were doing the tango. Ohhh yes, that was fun… But that doesn’t matter! We partied our butts off, and had fun doing it! Then, Fred and Cappi came back. They saw our live video feed from their ship, and we sort of got in trouble.

“You two…!” Fred said in a low voice that rose in volume. He sounded quite threatening, really. I knew that we were going to get in trouble. Then, Sparky came in.

Chapter Four: Sparky and Our Punishment
“You two GO TO YOUR ROOMS! RIGHT NOW OR ELSE!” Screeched Fred. Then, we suddenly appeared in our rooms. Wow, that was fast. “Psst, Sparky! Sparkers! Spark Plug! Get the ladder!” hissed my younger sibling. Then, a strangely yellow ladder that was covered in electricity hit our windowsill. We got on and felt a jolt of electricity. WHEEEE! I felt ENERGETIC! Sparky came and danced with us. We danced everything from the Macarena (again) to just random dancing. Sparky busted out some AWESOME dance moves! We turned on a radio and danced to anything on. And so, we were almost caught. Then we ran and I farted all the way. Then, more BOBS! Sparky jumped up and unleashed the power of his claws and butt! (Interpret that any way you want.) He killed the Bobs off! Wow, that was quick! Maybe the Bobs aren’t such a threat after all… Then, more enemies! I got out a machine gun and let Sparky rest while I mowed down…Zombies?

I was confused for a bit, then remembered all my anti-zombie training (well, I had a plan for an invasion, that count?) and every movie I had watched that included zombies (one). “Decapitate them or bash their brain!” I yelled, which I had learned in the one zombie movie I had watched. Sparky looked pretty helpless until he picked up my TANK by the gun and bashed zombies left and right. I still shot them and my sis whacked them with a baseball bat. I was happy to be whacking on zombies, which are tougher than the Bobs. Sparky was shocking the tank and whacking the zombies. Going…going…gone! The first wave was gone! Oh my gosh! MORE ZOMBIES WERE COMING!!! “Most of my ammo’s gone!” I warned everyone. Then, my sibling’s bat broke! Only Sparky was left! Zombies were closing in, and I was panicking. “Sparky! You have to win this!” I screamed to him. He was zapping, hitting, and farting at zombies. Then, a super-zombie whacked on the tank! Sparky zapped him so hard that he flew apart! Then, we were so hungry we actually ATE the super-zombie! Mmmm, he tasted like chicken…

Chapter Five: Maybe We Should Have Stayed…When we got back, Fred was furious with us. One, for not telling him about the zombies. “But we didn’t know about them!” I argued. Second was for not staying in my room. “Hey, you are NOT related to us, remember?” We said together, without practice. “You can’t boss us around!” Sparky said. “Especially me! I’m a cat! Meow!” Then he mumbled something I couldn’t understand. “I said ‘Murmurmurmurmur.’” He replied when I asked what he said.

To be continued....

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Kitty Girlz Cookbook

Kitty Girl’s Cook Book
1. Best cheese samitch ever
Cheddar cheese as much as u want.
Feta cheese one table spoon
Bacon as much as u want
Sour cream optional
What to do:
Put ingredients on wheat bread and bake in microwave for 45 seconds.